I need to give up;

I must give up;

I’m giving up…

Before it’s too late…

BUT I CAN’T, I HATE BEING THIS WAY…

A common question that I think almost everyone had encountered before:

“Which animal would you like to be if you have the chance?”

Common answer would be like bird, tiger, giraffe…… the list goes on… But if I were to answer this question again, without contemplating, I’ll say I wanna be a tortoise… You might laugh, but do look at my reason why tortoise…

If you are thinking that tortoise is a coward, you are so wrong… I respect tortoises so much… They are just good at hiding themselves when dangers come… You can’t say these skillful animals coward! Sometimes I just wish that I have a shell like them too, and just isolate myself when I meet problems that I don’t want to solve… Maybe is because I wished to be a tortoise so much (I know it sounds wrong), so much so until I’ve created myself a shell… A shell not to hide myself, but my feelings instead… In all my life until now, half or maybe more than half of the stuffs that I did were because of somebody… Doing so much just to please other people, this feeling is never nice before… Saying fake stuffs which are not equivalent to what running through my mind, just because people like to listen and they will be happy listening to all these lies… Often I felt lost, I’ve lost myself by doing things that are not for myself… How many friends of mine can fully understand me? Sad to say the number… But I understand many people, I know what they want and I know how to please them in various ways… When comes to me, my identity? Hah, maybe I don’t have an exact identity, I change according to people around me… That is the only reason why I seem to have a lot of friends but actually I’ve nobody… Funny life, funny me…

Tortoise is no coward, maybe I am one… Too scared of losing friends, too scared of losing my image, too scared of losing everything…. And at last I lost myself, can’t even make a simple decision by my own self… What a joke… I’m tired of pleasing people, I’m tired of doing things that I don’t like to do, I’m tired of fake smiling, I’m tired of being a joker, I’m tired of acting stupid, I’m tired of acting smart(sometimes), I’m tired of telling lies…… I need a break, need a break to do something I like to do… But I know I’ve got no will power to do it… Cause things that I wanted to do might hurt certain people… To be safe, to be a coward again, I still need to fake away… That’s my life, it is always like this…

Of course there are times that I’m real, but don’t ask me when, cause I might fail to differentiate as well… Tortoise is still the best, can hide itself whenever and wherever it feels like… It needs not to be real or fake…

…(_)o

趣事

我对朋友说，喜欢一个人不是看他的身份的；

他说，“是看身材的！”

我晕。。。

For me to love something that I never like before,

there must be an ultimate reason…

Now that I’ve found the reason,

I have no choice but to start liking it…

*****

For me to give up ‘something’ that I love a lot,

there must also be an ultimate reason…

Now that I’ve found the reason,

but,

can I not let ‘it’ go?

Cute...

"I'm mixed, my dad is a Japanese and Mummy is Korean..."



Don't laugh, someone actually believed me...

Hope that ur fine...

I'm sorry...

Finally, I’m back… Back to being busy, back to my stressful life… Life’s good being busy? Or the other way round? “Get busy living, or get busy dying?” Quoted from this old movie that I watched recently, ‘The Shawshank Redemption’… It was like the best movie for me, maybe it is an old show, and the quality is much more higher than movies nowadays which made just for the sake of getting profit from it… I always feel that I learnt nothing but just generated some laughter watching some point-less movies nowadays… ‘Shawshank’ was different, I learnt much watching that show…

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Was too busy these days, God is sweet enough, granted some time for me to update my blog now… Waiting for class to start, the teacher is always late cause it is the earliest class… That’s what I meant God is sweet… This semester is gonna be a crazy year for me, yet I’m taking so many extra stuffs which are not related to my studies at all… I attended ‘BEST’ class last weekend, even skipped one day of my college for that insurance class… But no doubt, it was worth it… Basically ‘BEST’ class is all about teaching us the techniques to sell insurance, to be a successful insurance agent… For me, I don’t think I’m that pity until I’ve to start working now and earn for my life… Attended that work shop just to learnt, at least now that I know how my dad’s work-life is, how difficult to sell a policy and how many policies my dad needs to sell just to sustain our expenses…

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It is not easy, trust me… Cause I’ve experienced it! For the first day, one hour before class ended, trainer Simon, gave us each a stack of brochure… “Go out and hit the street for your prospect…” That was his words and he expected all of us to get at least 5 prospects in an hour… Of course, enough training had been given to us throughout the class before this… That was just a simple activity to defeat our fear only… Try to imagine someone stopping u on the street and ask you to buy some products, you’ve faced this before right? I’m sure… And that day, I was one of them, irritating isn’t it… I opted to start off near the Sultan Ismail LRT station, that was the only place I could think of where there will be many people around… Then it began, first, I aimed an ‘approachable’ people, then I started:” Good afternoon Mr. / Mdm., I’m Yeong from AIA, can I do a one-minute survey with you on your financial health check?” Couldn’t remember how many times I’ve said this to how many people over there… I choose not to recall back how many people had rejected me on that day… Haha, but this made me invulnerable to rejection! In the end of the day, what I got was only 3 prospects… It was tough, seriously… But the feeling was awesome…

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Apart from insurance, I started teaching tuition too, although it is only an one to one personal tuition, still, I need to be prepared and get all the notes ready every week before I teach… People said I’m multitasking, doing so many things at one time but I don’t think so, I’m just enjoying my life, get busy living…

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Its Friday again, I just love weekends… Can’t wait for tonight, haven’t been hanging out at night for few weeks already… But for now, class is starting… How sad…

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P/s: Hope is a good thing; no good thing ever dies…

BINGO!

I knew it was fated... ^^